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Blind Luck2: No Way Back Chapter 13
Blind Luck2: No Way Back
Chapter 13
During the cab ride to Hikaru's house, the boy talked about the Go pro world as promised. Sai listened carefully as the young pro explained about the intricacies of being a Go pro.
'So winning titles is what gets you the big bucks, but before you get there, you are paid for playing games in the /oteai/ at the Go institute and you can make loads of money tutoring and playing request games. That's what I've been doing. Well, some anyway. Mom kinda insists I go to school until I'm 18. So I've struck a deal with her; I'm going to business college part time, so I can learn how to manage the money I make as a Go pro. It's on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the /oteai/ is on Wednesdays, once a month, and on other Wednesdays there are prelims for title tournaments. Those that pass the first prelims play on Mondays or Fridays. Unfortunately I haven't qualified for the next level yet... Anyways, the rest of the time I have tutoring to give or study groups to go to or I play Touya at the club!'
It sounded like a fairytale life to the blind man; the perfect life. He wanted to become a Go pro, more than anything in the world, he told his friend so.
'Well, of course you do! Man, I never met someone more obsessed with Go that you. Well, maybe Touya..., or Ochi..., or Ogata... Hey, ouch! Quit that, you Go obsessed freak! All you Go players are a bunch of single minded nerds, with delusions of grandeur! Ouch!'
Hikaru really was such a baby; all Sai had done was dig an elbow gently in the boy's side. The blind man pulled up his nose the boy's assertions, even if he did not quite know what a /nerd/ was, causing Hikaru to start laughing so hard Sai could feel him shake next to him.
The boy ended up hugging the former ghost saying between snickers, keeping his voice low,
/'Man, that look on your face, god how I missed that!'/ His giggles over, the boy continued seriously, /'It was hell when you just disappeared on me, I blamed myself, you know, you tired to warn me but I didn't listen, just bulldozed right over what you said.'/ The boy let go of the blind man and set up adding, /'I'm so so sorry about that...'/
The former ghost didn't quite know how to respond to that. He didn't remember any of these events and while he could make a stab at how he must have felt then, he didn't actually know and any absolution he could give the boy would be kind of worthless.
He was saved from having to respond, by Kawai who announced their arrival.
Before they got out of the cab Sai managed to whisper a request to pay Kawai for his services in Hikaru's ear.
/'Man, must I?'/ the boy whined.
/'Yes, if you have a job, you must.'/ The blind man insisted. /'I'll pay you back later,'/ he added.
/'Don't you dare,'/ the young pro hissed under his breath, /'I ain't taking your money, ever!'/
Sai was a little taken aback with the boy's vehemence, but it kind of felt good to be taken care of by a friend. Even if it was in a roundabout sort of way.
xXXx
Sai measured and marked everything about getting into the Shindou residence. All information about where there was a step up just before entering the front door, or where to place his sandals, or where the front room was, and where the stairs brought him to Hikaru's own room, was carefully combined into an as yet sketchy map in his head. It was a floating piece of information, of course, since he had nowhere he could attach it to his 'Grand Map of Known-To-Himself Tokyo'.
Hikaru's mom provided the name of the nearest subway station, in the course of dinner conversation, so the blind man loosely attached the house to that point on his stylized subway map. It was better than nothing...
oOOo
Diner was good if slightly awkward. Hikaru's mother obviously hadn't expected her son's guest to be a fully grown blind man, with a cast on one wrist. Some practical rearranging of dinner had to happen. She cut the noodles in the ramen soup she had first served in a regular bowl and poured Sai's portion in a big mug with an ear he could hold onto, so he could drink them instead of trying to chase the slippery doughy ribbons with chopstick or spoon. For the cold foods that were served on the side, she provided a fork and Hikaru would spear the food Sai could not see.
The situation also affected her conversational skills, making her very flustered and Sai felt quite some sympathy for her. He deliberately kept the subjects general, carefully steering the conversation away from anything about his personal life; he didn't think she'd want to know he (had) lived in a homeless shelter.
The blind man was very grateful at that moment that he had put on his new clothes this morning, otherwise the nice lady would have seen through him quickly enough. Yes, being dressed better, more normal, it seemed that people treated one more normally too. A person was judged by his appearance, however unfair that was, it was a universal truth.
xXXx
After the dinner was eaten, Sai thanked his host formally and asked for confirmation that it was all right for him to stay over. Mrs. Shindou confirmed it readily enough, and the blind man felt relieved he wasn't putting her out.
As they boy and the former ghost entered the Hikaru's bedroom, Sai said, 'Your mom's nice.'
'Yeah, I suppose,' the young pro said absentmindedly as he rushed forward and started making shuffling noises.
The blind man stood quite still just inside the room, waiting for his friend to finish clearing up. When he was finished, the boy bade him sit on the floor, directing him verbally on where to go and the former ghost glided forward and found himself gathering his legs under him and sitting in /seiza/ position; sitting on both legs with his back straight and his head held high. He put his folded cane by his right leg on the floor, freeing his hand from the strap, and rested both his hands on his knees, the right palm down, the left he let roll to a position that made the cast lie still on his thigh.
Since he had woken up in the hospital, now well over a year ago, he had sat in /seiza/ only a handful of times. But never had it felt this natural, this normal, like he had sat here like this a thousand times before.
He enjoyed the odd feeling of homecoming a little longer before he asked, 'Did we used to play here, like this?'
'Ah-hun,' the boy confirmed, his voice coming from straight in front of the blind man. 'Just like this. Our Goban is right in front of you,' he added.
Sai instinctually stretched out his right hand, his fingertip encountering the edge of the wooden Goban. As his fingers slid across the surface, encountering the lines that were deliberately cut into the wood, differentiated by their uniformity from the ones nature had put there, Sai reflected how strange it was that while he had played Go so many times in the last week, this was only the third time had actually touched the board. The other times he had had no opportunity to do more than lay his fingers on it briefly, so now the blind man took his time exploring this mini universe made of wood.
He wondered what it had been like to hold and play your own stones, and what he'd have seen in his opponents faces. The way he played now only gave him his mind's eye view of the board, beyond its illumination the world was still inky black. Hikaru had implied that when Sai had been a ghost the boy had to play the stones, as the ghost could not affect anything physical. The blind man realized with a pang that his situation had, in that respect, not changed much from his ghostly existence; he still could not play himself, he still needed others to place his stones. That his opponents had done so willingly enough gladdened Sai, and silently he thanked them for giving him the ability to play.
As his fingers flowed over the surface and sides of the Goban, even dipping low to finger a leg, Sai couldn't help but wonder about his first life, where he could touch and see; the life he had been born into.
'Hikaru, could you tell me some more of me when I was first born?' he asked tentatively.
'Uhm, well, I told you about the emperor's court and the game you lost to the cheater, I'm not sure there's more to tell...' the boy sounded chagrined, but before Sai could ask Hikaru continued.
'You see, I wasn't very interested at the time, I thought I could always be interested later, that you'd always be there 'later', but then you disappeared so suddenly and time had run out...' he stammered. 'I know I should have asked but I didn't and I've been kicking myself ever since...'
Sai was very disappointed; he so desperately wanted to remember his former life. He had hoped that when Hikaru told him, he'd see the scenes before, if only in flashes. But if he himself had not told the boy more about his past back then, then now the boy could not tell him about it. The former ghost's only hope would be the reemergence of his own memory. A prospect that seemed very bleak because so far only the tiniest glimpse of memory had come to him and all of those had been directly or indirectly triggered by Hikaru. If the young pro could not aid him in remembering his first life, would he be able to remember any of it, ever?
Sai had grown used to going about with no past to draw on. He had accepted that as part of his life, like his blindness. But to now to come this close and to find the path barred was like a rejection of himself; it stung in a way that not knowing had not.
When Sai had met Hikaru a few days ago, a world had opened up for him, one in which he had a past, even if he would only get to know about through someone else. Now that door had slammed shut again, after giving him a tiny gimps of what was inside. His heart screamed at the injustice of it!
The former ghost tried to breathe out the sudden anguish, taking deep breaths. It was useless to dwell on that which could be changed. Or at the very least changed right now. He did hope his memories of his first life would come back someday, but he hardly thought forcing would or could help. So he let it go in his outgoing breath. And again. And again.
'Are you okay?' Hikaru asked a tinge of worry in his voice.
Sai, having been roused out of his deep contemplation, finished breathing out his latest deep breath and withdrew his hand from the Goban.
'I'm fine,' he said, placing his hand in back his lap. The disappointment hadn't quite gone away, but he felt calm enough to change the subject. For a moment he had contemplated asking the boy about the former ghost life with the other Go player, 150 years ago, but he wasn't at all sure he could handle it if Hikaru knew nothing more about that either.
'Let's play,' he suggested. Yes, playing Go was safe and familiar, and he wanted that right now.
'Okay!'
oOOo
Don’t forget to review!!
Chapter 13
During the cab ride to Hikaru's house, the boy talked about the Go pro world as promised. Sai listened carefully as the young pro explained about the intricacies of being a Go pro.
'So winning titles is what gets you the big bucks, but before you get there, you are paid for playing games in the /oteai/ at the Go institute and you can make loads of money tutoring and playing request games. That's what I've been doing. Well, some anyway. Mom kinda insists I go to school until I'm 18. So I've struck a deal with her; I'm going to business college part time, so I can learn how to manage the money I make as a Go pro. It's on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the /oteai/ is on Wednesdays, once a month, and on other Wednesdays there are prelims for title tournaments. Those that pass the first prelims play on Mondays or Fridays. Unfortunately I haven't qualified for the next level yet... Anyways, the rest of the time I have tutoring to give or study groups to go to or I play Touya at the club!'
It sounded like a fairytale life to the blind man; the perfect life. He wanted to become a Go pro, more than anything in the world, he told his friend so.
'Well, of course you do! Man, I never met someone more obsessed with Go that you. Well, maybe Touya..., or Ochi..., or Ogata... Hey, ouch! Quit that, you Go obsessed freak! All you Go players are a bunch of single minded nerds, with delusions of grandeur! Ouch!'
Hikaru really was such a baby; all Sai had done was dig an elbow gently in the boy's side. The blind man pulled up his nose the boy's assertions, even if he did not quite know what a /nerd/ was, causing Hikaru to start laughing so hard Sai could feel him shake next to him.
The boy ended up hugging the former ghost saying between snickers, keeping his voice low,
/'Man, that look on your face, god how I missed that!'/ His giggles over, the boy continued seriously, /'It was hell when you just disappeared on me, I blamed myself, you know, you tired to warn me but I didn't listen, just bulldozed right over what you said.'/ The boy let go of the blind man and set up adding, /'I'm so so sorry about that...'/
The former ghost didn't quite know how to respond to that. He didn't remember any of these events and while he could make a stab at how he must have felt then, he didn't actually know and any absolution he could give the boy would be kind of worthless.
He was saved from having to respond, by Kawai who announced their arrival.
Before they got out of the cab Sai managed to whisper a request to pay Kawai for his services in Hikaru's ear.
/'Man, must I?'/ the boy whined.
/'Yes, if you have a job, you must.'/ The blind man insisted. /'I'll pay you back later,'/ he added.
/'Don't you dare,'/ the young pro hissed under his breath, /'I ain't taking your money, ever!'/
Sai was a little taken aback with the boy's vehemence, but it kind of felt good to be taken care of by a friend. Even if it was in a roundabout sort of way.
xXXx
Sai measured and marked everything about getting into the Shindou residence. All information about where there was a step up just before entering the front door, or where to place his sandals, or where the front room was, and where the stairs brought him to Hikaru's own room, was carefully combined into an as yet sketchy map in his head. It was a floating piece of information, of course, since he had nowhere he could attach it to his 'Grand Map of Known-To-Himself Tokyo'.
Hikaru's mom provided the name of the nearest subway station, in the course of dinner conversation, so the blind man loosely attached the house to that point on his stylized subway map. It was better than nothing...
oOOo
Diner was good if slightly awkward. Hikaru's mother obviously hadn't expected her son's guest to be a fully grown blind man, with a cast on one wrist. Some practical rearranging of dinner had to happen. She cut the noodles in the ramen soup she had first served in a regular bowl and poured Sai's portion in a big mug with an ear he could hold onto, so he could drink them instead of trying to chase the slippery doughy ribbons with chopstick or spoon. For the cold foods that were served on the side, she provided a fork and Hikaru would spear the food Sai could not see.
The situation also affected her conversational skills, making her very flustered and Sai felt quite some sympathy for her. He deliberately kept the subjects general, carefully steering the conversation away from anything about his personal life; he didn't think she'd want to know he (had) lived in a homeless shelter.
The blind man was very grateful at that moment that he had put on his new clothes this morning, otherwise the nice lady would have seen through him quickly enough. Yes, being dressed better, more normal, it seemed that people treated one more normally too. A person was judged by his appearance, however unfair that was, it was a universal truth.
xXXx
After the dinner was eaten, Sai thanked his host formally and asked for confirmation that it was all right for him to stay over. Mrs. Shindou confirmed it readily enough, and the blind man felt relieved he wasn't putting her out.
As they boy and the former ghost entered the Hikaru's bedroom, Sai said, 'Your mom's nice.'
'Yeah, I suppose,' the young pro said absentmindedly as he rushed forward and started making shuffling noises.
The blind man stood quite still just inside the room, waiting for his friend to finish clearing up. When he was finished, the boy bade him sit on the floor, directing him verbally on where to go and the former ghost glided forward and found himself gathering his legs under him and sitting in /seiza/ position; sitting on both legs with his back straight and his head held high. He put his folded cane by his right leg on the floor, freeing his hand from the strap, and rested both his hands on his knees, the right palm down, the left he let roll to a position that made the cast lie still on his thigh.
Since he had woken up in the hospital, now well over a year ago, he had sat in /seiza/ only a handful of times. But never had it felt this natural, this normal, like he had sat here like this a thousand times before.
He enjoyed the odd feeling of homecoming a little longer before he asked, 'Did we used to play here, like this?'
'Ah-hun,' the boy confirmed, his voice coming from straight in front of the blind man. 'Just like this. Our Goban is right in front of you,' he added.
Sai instinctually stretched out his right hand, his fingertip encountering the edge of the wooden Goban. As his fingers slid across the surface, encountering the lines that were deliberately cut into the wood, differentiated by their uniformity from the ones nature had put there, Sai reflected how strange it was that while he had played Go so many times in the last week, this was only the third time had actually touched the board. The other times he had had no opportunity to do more than lay his fingers on it briefly, so now the blind man took his time exploring this mini universe made of wood.
He wondered what it had been like to hold and play your own stones, and what he'd have seen in his opponents faces. The way he played now only gave him his mind's eye view of the board, beyond its illumination the world was still inky black. Hikaru had implied that when Sai had been a ghost the boy had to play the stones, as the ghost could not affect anything physical. The blind man realized with a pang that his situation had, in that respect, not changed much from his ghostly existence; he still could not play himself, he still needed others to place his stones. That his opponents had done so willingly enough gladdened Sai, and silently he thanked them for giving him the ability to play.
As his fingers flowed over the surface and sides of the Goban, even dipping low to finger a leg, Sai couldn't help but wonder about his first life, where he could touch and see; the life he had been born into.
'Hikaru, could you tell me some more of me when I was first born?' he asked tentatively.
'Uhm, well, I told you about the emperor's court and the game you lost to the cheater, I'm not sure there's more to tell...' the boy sounded chagrined, but before Sai could ask Hikaru continued.
'You see, I wasn't very interested at the time, I thought I could always be interested later, that you'd always be there 'later', but then you disappeared so suddenly and time had run out...' he stammered. 'I know I should have asked but I didn't and I've been kicking myself ever since...'
Sai was very disappointed; he so desperately wanted to remember his former life. He had hoped that when Hikaru told him, he'd see the scenes before, if only in flashes. But if he himself had not told the boy more about his past back then, then now the boy could not tell him about it. The former ghost's only hope would be the reemergence of his own memory. A prospect that seemed very bleak because so far only the tiniest glimpse of memory had come to him and all of those had been directly or indirectly triggered by Hikaru. If the young pro could not aid him in remembering his first life, would he be able to remember any of it, ever?
Sai had grown used to going about with no past to draw on. He had accepted that as part of his life, like his blindness. But to now to come this close and to find the path barred was like a rejection of himself; it stung in a way that not knowing had not.
When Sai had met Hikaru a few days ago, a world had opened up for him, one in which he had a past, even if he would only get to know about through someone else. Now that door had slammed shut again, after giving him a tiny gimps of what was inside. His heart screamed at the injustice of it!
The former ghost tried to breathe out the sudden anguish, taking deep breaths. It was useless to dwell on that which could be changed. Or at the very least changed right now. He did hope his memories of his first life would come back someday, but he hardly thought forcing would or could help. So he let it go in his outgoing breath. And again. And again.
'Are you okay?' Hikaru asked a tinge of worry in his voice.
Sai, having been roused out of his deep contemplation, finished breathing out his latest deep breath and withdrew his hand from the Goban.
'I'm fine,' he said, placing his hand in back his lap. The disappointment hadn't quite gone away, but he felt calm enough to change the subject. For a moment he had contemplated asking the boy about the former ghost life with the other Go player, 150 years ago, but he wasn't at all sure he could handle it if Hikaru knew nothing more about that either.
'Let's play,' he suggested. Yes, playing Go was safe and familiar, and he wanted that right now.
'Okay!'
oOOo
Don’t forget to review!!